


Hit My Heart Like A Ball

by TheBlackWook



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, But nothing graphic or explicit, F/M, Jock Victoria, Mentions of Cyrano de Bergerac, Minor Albert / Victoria before Vicbourne, Not tagging everything because Spoilers, Quiet Melbourne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9442676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackWook/pseuds/TheBlackWook
Summary: He was this brilliant upper sixth student whose name was known for humiliation as his former girlfriend, Caroline, had cheated on him and had bragged about it to the entire school the previous year, and she was this small, unsure yet fierce new fifth form student, the new jock most of the students loved, known for her ancient aristocratic family, well-educated and traditionalist. But nothing actually seemed to be able to tear them apart. | A Vicbourne High School AU





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted to me long ago under this "Jock x Nerd AU". I changed things and kept Victoria as a jock even though it's not overly present in the fic. This took me months to finish and it means a great deal to me. I really had a great time writing this fic and I hope you'll have as much fun as I had. Enjoy !

"William, slow down. I'm lost again." Victoria sounded frustrated. It was not necessarily directed at her friend, sat next to her, but just at the whole concept of physics, and in this case, astronomy.

The said William, dark curls dishevelled by his hand going repeatedly into his hair and kind green eyes, looked at her and sighed fondly. More often than not, he marvelled at the fact he was the closest friend to this beautiful and smart girl. 

Victoria was what one would call popular in their high school. She was the newest addition to the feminine football team of their school, and had undeniably helped it a great deal to improve and occupy the top half of the inter schools championship. Her coach had even awarded her with the captaincy of the team after the previous one left due to her moving out of town. This nomination had been frowned upon, going as far as teammates refusing to listen to her, certain she would fail miserably to lead the team. Her only support through everything had been William. He was the coach's assistant, not because he was actually any good at the game, but first and foremost because he was a lover of tactics and could pull a miracle out of his sleeve as often as he could. He was the numbers and the combinations behind most of their game styles. They would meet with the coach to discuss new tactics and plan new training sessions. They were working surprisingly well together. When she lacked the tactical experience, she was always eager to share new ideas on whatever area the team needed to focus on and he was happy to answer whatever questions she had. They did not meet outside of the training sessions and these short meetings, but everything changed when he followed her in the locker room one day and comforted her after her teammates had been particularly mean and tough with her.

"May I come in ?" He asked at the doorway of the locker room. He need not ask if she was alright when her football shoes were discarded on the cold metal floor, seeming to have been thrown out of anguish. Her jersey had been thrown as well, leaving her in a white undershirt, and was now lying at his feet. He picked it up and entered the room when she gave him no objections. 

"I'll never find my place in this team. Either I'm too short, or I'm too young and have no legitimacy to be captain. I may as well just quit, this would make no difference." She tried to suppress a sob but failed miserably and buried her head into her knees that were pushed against her chest by her arms encircled around them.

"I beg to differ. And those teammates who think otherwise are idiots." He stated simply and took a seat on the bench beside her. She stayed silent.

After a while she sniffled and raised her head, slowly, towards him. She had managed to calm herself down and when they locked eyes he wanted nothing more than to stop the tears from coming down from her puffy red eyes. 

"Do you know this is the second time I'm taking A-Levels ?" She looked at him curiously now. In her mind he was brilliant, she could not fathom how he could have ever failed his exams. "I had been doing well in class so far and fair enough, my teachers predicted I would do great studies. But..." He trailed off for a moment looking down at his joined hands that were hanging between his legs. "Last year hit me hard, Caro' left me in unfortunate circumstances and..." He left out a ragged breath and closed his eyes.

Victoria immediately felt bad, she had not meant for him to open up in such a way, and judging by his state this seemed to be more than just another heartbreak story.

"I lost someone very dear to me, someone I loved deeply. After that, I completely gave up everything, I failed my exams. Everyone passed but me. I was such an embarrassment for my family. I felt I was just an empty shell, and I thought I would never find any solace, I thought I could never come back again."

"You shouldn't talk like that."

"I don't feel that way anymore." He assured her with a serene expression.

Victoria let out a dry laugh. He turned to her, curious.

"I must appear very superficial and stupid to you, crying over some silly disappointment at not being able to find a place in an idiotic football team."

"Not at all." He replied promptly. "What you seek is only fair. You are new to the team and you want to be worthy of the trust that was given to you. These past few months I've grown to know you. Not much, but enough to say what a remarkable player, but most importantly, what a brilliant girl you are. You see you've somehow helped me to feel hope again. So promise me this Victoria." She silently nodded, a strange sensation forming in her stomach as she heard him say her name for the first time. "You will come out of this locker room. You will come out and put that jersey back on your shoulders and you will smile. You will smile and never let them know how hard it is to bear it. To me, you are very inch the captain this team needs." He extended her jersey to her, offering her a smile.

She took it, their hands brushing slightly in the process, and she smiled back at him. It was not large but it was encouraging. He thought he had not done much, but it had been enough for Victoria to know she had found an ally in William Lamb, the quiet and smart coach's assistant. From that day on, she had never let him go. They would spend every free period together, eat lunch together and go to school together, much to her mother's dismay as she seemed to not like him very much for some obscure reason.

**oOo**

"You live with Emma ?" She asked once, when he had invited her to study at home.

"We're good friends, have been for a long time and her parents were kind enough to take me in while my parents are travelling." He answered, his eyes far away from where they were – she missed it. He shook his head and turned to her, his smile ever so pleasant. "So... Shakespeare's troubling you ?" And they were off studying, never mentioning his living condition again.

**oOo**

This, of course, raised suspicions. He was this brilliant upper sixth student whose name was known for humiliation as his former girlfriend, Caroline, had cheated on him and had bragged about it to the entire school the previous year, and she was this small, unsure yet fierce new fifth form student, the new jock most of the students loved, known for her ancient aristocratic family, well-educated and traditionalist. But nothing actually seemed to be able to tear them apart. Their bond was natural and ran so deep that most people assumed they were a couple. Victoria Lamb they called her, not to her disliking she had to admit, but it pained William to see her being mocked because of him. Yet, every time he would bring the subject up, she would dismiss it, waving it off, laughing it off as quickly as he would finish his sentence. It often earned him a smack on his shoulder or his chest, and a fond "idiot" from her as well. Well, if being an idiot meant to care for her as deeply as he did, to spend whole days with her, with her by his side, then he never wanted to be smart again.

 

"William ? Will- Are you there ?" She brought him back to the task at hand.

"Sorry." He offered her a sheepish smile. "Let's do it again. How to get your bearings thanks to the sky. It's just like a carousel, you see ? Everything is turning around you : so does the sky."

She was looking at him, eager to learn and understand, her bright blue eyes fixed solely on him. It had been her request to have these sorts of private lessons with him, as she was lacking in some classes, due to her intensive dedication to the football team. He had been too happy to oblige her. Knowing her had been a breath of fresh air for him, he who had tried to make low profile as much as he could after his relationship with Caroline, he who had given up having any real relations with others after everything that had happened. And yet, with her he had found a reason to go on, a reason to get up every morning and face each day with a renewed strength. He would smile at her more than he had ever done before, he would feel at ease, comfortable and everything was easy with her. He felt as if he was a whole new different person. And it seemed she was leaning to the same inclination. But he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't possibly drag her in all his misery and stain her. He was not good enough for her.

**oOo**

One day, as they were walking through a park on their way home, she stopped him to sat on a bench and appreciate the end of the day. They had spent an hour at the library so William could help her prepare for her upcoming history test. She had spent even more time with him if that was even possible.

 

They sat there in silence, enjoying the early autumn weather. He spotted rooks not far away from them and watched them intently. As a child, he had been fascinated with birds and read everything he could about them. 

"What are you looking at with such intensity ?" Victoria snapped him out of his reverie with a playful smile on her lips.

"The rooks." He answered and she followed his gaze to find the black and small creatures. They were few but still managed to form a small gathering up in the trees of the park. "Did you know that they mate for life ?" He told her, happy to share what he knew with her as it turned out she was an attentive listener and an eager one at that.

"You do know quite a lot of things, William." She had a fond expression on her face and sighed happily, leaning her head against his shoulders.

He slightly stiffened, he had not been this close with someone else since Caroline, he had not let someone this close since everything that had happened. She did not seem to notice his uneasiness and he tried to relax. He tried to calm his breathing and without knowing why, he resumed talking :

"You know, Caro' and I used to picnic a lot and I would show her the birds. The rooks especially. They're very interesting creatures to observe and we could learn many a thing from them. They mate for life and they build a nest together every year." He was fidgeting with his hands, without really noticing it. "Sometimes I feel if I had been more present for her after everything, maybe she would have felt more attended to, more supported. I think-"

"She should never have done what she did to you." Victoria cut him, raising her head from his shoulders to look at him with determination. "You know I would never do such a thing." She added after a while, her face betraying her feelings and declaration. Her voice was trembling, she had not meant to reveal how she felt about him, but she could not had helped it.

A sad smile crossed his features and he bowed his head, looking at the ground. He could not let her go on. He could not let her lay herself at his feet in such a way. He would never be good enough for her, he would only tarnish her pristine and sacred self, just like he had wronged Caroline. This could never be; he could not let that happen as much as it pained him to do so. He had to suppress his feelings for her. He took her hand in his. They had held hands in the past, not in a romantic way as people had assumed but they had. Yet, here the feeling was different. It seemed William was discovering the fairness of her skin, her petite hands with long pianist fingers all over again. 

"No." He whispered his voice thick with emotion. "I'm certain when you give your heart, you'll do it without hesitation. But I can't accept it. I-"

"You don't feel that way. It's alright, don't worry." She quickly said. "Let's go home." Her smile was forced. 

He walked her back to her home as they remained silent for the rest of their walk. He saw the disappointment, he saw the hurt hidden behind her eyes. It pained him just as much.

**oOo**

The following days passed in awkward discussions and uncomfortable smiles and they eventually avoid each other, as much as it pained them. This went on until she called him, one afternoon. She had had another fight with her mother and her stepfather John Conroy. William had met them on few occasions, and had heard his parents talking about them before. Whenever William would meet them, his presence would be met with cold and stiff politeness, which was why he tried to meet them as little as possible, not wanting to cause Victoria any troubles. She understood, even though she wanted nothing more than to invite him as often as she could at her house, to show him where she lived. The small brunette had called him. Her voice was urgent and broken and he could feel the tears falling down her cheeks. He had stopped what he was doing in an instant and talked to her, soothed her with soft words. They had spent a good hour on the phone even though she did not say anything as to why she was in such a state. He could sense her distress through her voice and he knew he needed to be with her at this moment, he knew he would not rest easy if he did not see her and try to comfort her.

"I'm coming over." He had said. There was no discussion allowed, his tone was determined and Victoria knew he did not use it often with her to know better than to argue. 

"I'm sure they'll send you away. I know they don't like you and I don't even know why by the way." She stated simply with a small voice.

He fell silent : he had not thought about this possibility. He tried to find solutions until he heard Victoria.

"Oh I know ! Wait for me at the florist shop you showed me last time."

 

With these final words she hung up, leaving him wondering what she had possibly thought about. He did as he had been told and waited for her. While there, as she was nowhere to be found, he entered the shop, his eyes lighting up with all the different colours and his nose being touched by the sweet fragrance of the flowers. He found them poetic, the way they would blossom slowly, at various lengths, until they died as last rays of sunshine would disappear. He admired their beauty and their language, loved their short lived existence while they could bring comfort to anyone. When he went outside again, he saw her approaching, her eyes still red but he saw the corner of her lips going slightly upwards when she saw him. It reassured him in a way, even if he knew she was struggling to keep her composure intact. She stopped before him, both of them searching each other's eyes, before she threw herself into his arms. She did not care about his rejection, she did not care about that park and that bench. The only truth she had realized in these last few days of silence and avoiding each other, was that she needed William in her life, whatever his place in it, at least for now. She clang onto him, never wanting to let him go, memorizing the sculpt of his body, how broad his shoulders were, how firm his chest was against her head, how his woollen sweaters were soft, fuzzy and warm, how his head would just rest at the top of head with their height difference, how steady he was for her, in every sense of the word. She did not cry, only held onto him tightly as if to make sure he was real, as if to make sure he would not disappear. His arms had encircled her small frame and his hands were drawing small circles on her back to comfort and reassure her. He lost himself in that moment and faintly brushed his lips on her hair. He knew he should not have. He had rejected her, and he was trying to keep his feelings at bay. But he also knew she needed him to assure her he would always be there for her. Besides, he was not even sure, and rather hoped that she had not felt that feather kiss – she had not reacted. When she finally was able to let go, she seemed better. She was still looking miserable but there were improvements. 

"Here, this is for you." He said finally extending her a single orchid he had purchased in the florist shop, only a few minutes ago.

"It's beautiful, thank you. What is it ?"

"An orchid. I thought you'd like it."

He had to choose an orchid of course. Of course. Restrain and suffering never meant he could not show her his feelings, at least in his eyes, for she did not know the true meaning of the pristine white flower. 

"You thought well." She answered, the ghost of a grin brightening her face for a couple seconds. 

They set off to a cafe nearby, where they were able to find an isolated table : they would be able to talk freely, away from prying or curious eyes. Once settled, a waitress quickly came to them and they both ordered hot chocolates. They were silent, William did not want to push her : if she wanted to open up to him, she would tell him soon enough but it had to remain her choice. Victoria tried to gather courage to talk about William. The fight in itself was not at all important, it was just a growing frustration coming from her part. Her train of thought was cut off when the waitress came back with their beverage and they both thanked her. The silence wore on and both kept their gaze busy over their steaming cup. 

"John Conroy mocked me and once again expressed his disgust towards me playing football." She finally said, her voice low. William let her search for words and did not say anything. "It's not as if I had never heard it. I'm used to it by now I suppose..." Her voice trailed off and William ached for her. Hearing someone was used to anything or anyone that kept pulling them down was perhaps the saddest thing he could hear. "... And that's exactly why I made a big fuss out of it. I'm fed up of him constantly bullying me, talking me down, never considering me for who I am but always wanting me to be someone I'm clearly not. And I'm more and more fed up of Mama saying nothing and watching passively."

She released a deep breath, suddenly feeling lighter now that she had confided in her best friend. He took a sip of his hot chocolate, set it down on the table and looked at her :

"I can't tell you how mad I am. This is nonsense."

"You look rather calm." She teased, taking a sip herself.

"I'm just being polite but they clearly don't deserve your tears. I can't understand how this can even be. I wish I could actually do something." William felt powerless. He could not fathom why someone would want to bring this incredibly talented and beautiful girl down. And he could even less understand why a parent would let her child be bullied and feel miserable. Had he not heard that parents were supposed to love their child and support them ? She tore him out of his reverie by taking on of folded hands in hers. 

"You being here is already enough Will. I missed you." She was clutching his hand and he squeezed in return with an amused smile.

"This has hardly been a long time apart."

"I still missed you. You are my friend – my _best_ friend." She emphasized the word trying to prove her point.

"I missed you too Victoria." His smile was genuine and happy, and she reached for his hand and squeezed it.

They were back on the rails. They fell back into their previous routine, spending as much time as they could together and talking about everything and anything. William still held strong feelings towards her, feelings he tried to repress as much as he could whenever he thought about them. But at times, he would just forget for a minute and indulge in a special smile or a gaze that would linger more than necessary on her face. He also began cultivating flowers, giving her one whenever he could. If their meanings were lost to her, it was enough for him. However they were not lost on Emma, their shared friend. Each passing day proved more difficult to act as if he was not in love with her. But if he was beginning to gather courage to talk to her, everything went crumbling down soon enough.

**oOo**

"Oh William, I'm glad to see you there, you're just the one I wanted to see." She said, beaming, after a training session. Her cheeks were still red from the exercise and only made her look more adorable than ever.

"Oh, really ?" He answered, curious at her words. 

"Yes. I wanted to ask you something and I know how honest you are with me." 

He was smiling, patiently waiting for her to go on. He was the quiet one of this friendship when Victoria was so impulsive and energetic.

"How do I look ?"

"Look ?" He asked taken aback.

"Yes." She seemed insecure now, a rather rare occurrence for her.

"Well, you're beautiful. You always are gorgeous Victoria, don't ever doubt that." He had never been so honest, so close to tell her everything.

"You truly think so ?"

He nodded with a slight grin and she thanked him by hugging him briefly. He revelled in the sensation of her tiny but strong arms encircling his back for brief seconds. She pulled back too soon for his taste, trying to tone down his feelings that she had set aflame by this simple touch. Breathe, just breathe, he told himself

"Why, if I may ask ?" 

"Well, there's this Albert boy, you know the German exchange student, and he asked me out."

William barely noticed her going on in her tirade. He barely registered answering and congratulating her for this date. All his hopes, all the courage he may have had gathered up had vanished like a gust of wind. He followed her outside and watched her go find Albert, watched her smiling and blushing, watched his heart breaking a little, piece by piece. He stayed in his place for only god knows how long. And then, he left, hands in his pockets, head down. This was for the best, he tried to convince himself. She was better off with a boy of her age, a boy not as tortured as he was. She deserved someone as pure as she was and he clearly was not that boy. He turned away and left, resigned but trying to be happy for her, as she deserved happiness above all.

**oOo**

Everything went well between the two, at least in William's mind as he saw them more and more together. He tried to engage discussion with the German boy and he was not a bad sport, just a little stiff and reserved if anything. Besides, he seemed to treat Victoria well and that was quite enough for the older boy. He cherished his encounters with Victoria, as they had reduced with her new relationship with Albert, even though they still were in each other's company quite a lot – much to the German boy's displeasure. They went to go see a play for example. William was what people would call a "theatre nerd". He loved reading plays, seeing them and discussing them – and he also extended his passion to musical theatre. He was lucky enough to find that Victoria enjoyed it and was rather eager to know more about it. Of course she had gone to the theatre with her Mama before, but she had never put much into it. However, hearing William talk so animatedly about it made her curious and if she was quite honest, it pleased her to see him so passionate – he never usually was so this was both an amusing and pleasing sight to her.

They went to see an English adaptation of the French classic Cyrano de Bergerac, just the two of them. William had offered Albert to join, merely to be polite but hoping he would not accept : he had declined saying his level of English was not good enough to fully understand the play and enjoy it. The older boy had fought with himself to maintain a neutral composure. 

"So tell me about the play." She asked him as they were eating sandwiches in a café before the show.

"I can't spoil it for you. You have to discover it. When I first read it I did not understand everything because it was written in old French and in rhymes. But I loved the story, it has everything : a great hero, love, fights, chivalrous characters, sacrifice, heartbreak and-" He stopped looking at her amused expression "What ?"

"Who are you and what have you done to the quiet and calm William Lamb ?"

"I'm sorry. It's just- It's been so long since I last went to the theatre and tickets are just so expensive. If you want to see something and enjoy the experience that is."

"Don't tone it down on my account. I'm glad, you know. It's good to see you smile like that."

His face was surprised but touched. Victoria, however impulsive and stubborn she could be, was also kind and compassionate. They clinked their cup of hot chocolate, smiling while drinking the hot beverage. They headed to the theatre soon after, Victoria's arm linked with William's.

During the intermission, after the third act, the small brunette turned towards him, excitement written all over her face.

"I have so many questions ! What is gonna happen ?"

"I can't tell you and I won't !" He replied chuckling, warmth in his eyes for the girl sat next to him.

"Also, I don't see how Roxanne can be so blind. Cyrano loves her it's so obvious. Christian is a good man, don't get me wrong, but Cyrano is the one meant for her."

William looked away, hiding a sad smile. The comparison between the play and his own situation was not lost on him and left him with a lingering sense of bitterness. Of course, he was not helping Albert in seducing Victoria, even though he was letting him do it, he had willingly retiring himself from the competition. 

"Sometimes, people don't see what can be obvious to others." He murmured, looking anywhere but at her. 

They spent the remaining minutes chatting mindlessly, laughing from time to time until the lights went dim again and the focus was on the stage. As the play went on, Victoria eventually let her head rest on her best friend's shoulder. He did not react - he did not want to.

**oOo**

"I can't believe she only discovers it was Cyrano all along at the end. They can't even be happy together."

"Oh, but I think they were."

"What do you mean ?" Her gaze was curious and trying to read his mind.

"What mattered the most to him was to see Roxanne happy. And with Christian she was. And even after he dies, she made peace with herself and she was happy to see Cyrano every week, it was a welcomed sight for her. As for him, he led his life as he wanted to lead it and he was glad to see her the way she was."

"But why didn't he say anything ?"

"I believe, he thought himself not worthy of her."

"But isn't that something she has to decide, not him ?"

"Maybe. But I think he didn't want to put her in the midst of the mockery he faced. He was used to it, not her and he would not have accepted that people disrespect her. Sometimes, stepping down may be the greatest proof of love someone can offer." 

His voice was merely loud enough for her to hear, his eyes clouded by a shimmering veil. His breath itched as a lump formed in his throat. Victoria could not see his expressions for the sun had gone down before the play ended and she only saw the steam coming out of his mouth, nothing unusual for this winter weather. However, and she did not really know why, she strengthened her grip on his arm and rubbed it, trying to make it look like she was trying to warm her hand, but in fact she was comforting him absentmindedly. He blinked and the moment was gone, left unspoken, as a lot of things were between them.

**oOo**

It was nearly a month since Victoria and Albert had begun dating and the young girl had decided to throw a party after the last win of her team and celebrate the beginning of the winter holidays. Her teammates and Albert were invited of course, but William was as well. Even if their relationship was just as it had been before, he was still surprised, he still marvelled at the fact she still wanted his company. Yet, he sensed that this invitation was only due because they were friends and he suspected Albert would not like him to come. He understood, and anyway, what use was there in coming when he had decided to step down, just like Cyrano ? He could not come, he knew, and his resolve was made when she told him about the date. She did not know of course, she could not know. He nervously passed a hand through his wavy curls as he was trying to find something to say to her, an excuse, anything.

"I- I'm sorry, I can't." His voice was barely audible as he looked down at his feet.

"Why ever not ?" She asked, her tone a mixture of concern and irritation. She could not understand why her best friend would not agree to come without giving her any reason for his absence. "You are my friend, my _best_ friend. Of course I expect you to come." She had taken her authoritative tone. Sometimes he joked about it, telling her she had to have been queen in a past life. But now was not the time for that. "Answer me, William ! Why won't you come ?"

"I can't tell you. I wish I could, but I can't. You would not understand."

"Do you think me stupid ? Is that it ?"

"No it's not it, why do you have to be so damn frustrating sometimes ?!" He had raised his voice. He knew this was no use and that it would only be met with more volume but he could not have controlled himself.

"And I think you're crossing a line ! Why can't you just tell me ?" She was pleading him, she never did, but she did not known what to do anymore.

"I just can't Victoria. Don't ask me to come, please." He was pleading as well; his eyes were glistening with tears that were threatening to fall down any minute, his voice low and broken. She could not see it though, she could not sense his distress. She could only feel the way she was shaking inside, how hearing her name with such desperation made her ache to hear it in other circumstances. She could only sense a feeling of rejection. She was known to be passionate in everything she took part in, and friendship was no exception. William had been there for her since the beginning, he would always say yes to everything she would ask of him : hearing him use the negative was therefore all the more painful, and even more so when she was given no reason. 

"Very well." She said coldly and turned away from him. She would not let him see how hurt she was, she would not let him see her own tears that were now rolling down her cheeks. But if he would not even attend a party as her friend, what was she going to do ? She could not bear the thought of losing her most precious friend.

He watched her go, unable to tear his eyes off of her while being completely lost. He had hurt her, he knew, but he could not burden her, he could not tell her more than he had already told her. As always, he watched her go until she disappeared from his sight and he went his way, sighing.

**oOo**

He kept fretting about it throughout the day, feeling awful to have hurt her, for the choice of his words to her. She could be susceptible yes, but he just couldn't bear seeing the disappointment in her eyes. Emma had tried to talk to him, she always acted as an older sister with him, even though she was the youngest of the two. She had tried to reason him, had tried to make him apologize and confess to Victoria, as she knew why he had said no. But all her attempts met a wall, he was not in the mood for that, and so he left her without giving her any form of answer. The day passed through and he could not even remember what he did in class or what he was supposed to have learnt. He was numb and walking, eyes distant, in the empty corridors by the end of the day when he saw Albert approaching him, or more accurately stomping towards him. He seemed furious.

"You think this is but a game to you, right ?" His eyes were darker than usual and his thick german accent was more perceptible.

William watched him curiously, not realizing what he was talking about just yet.

"You just don't even realize what you did, what you do to her."

It dawned on the older boy he was referring to Victoria and their earlier encounter. But he still remained silent. If he did, he would just burst and go on revealing his feelings. 

"You offer her flowers every now and then, you take her to the theatre. She almost sees you more than me. And now you just put her aside, you discard her like she is of no use now."

William pursed his lips and clenched his hands for a second before toning it down. He would not answer. He had already hurt Victoria, this was unnecessary to aggravate his case by having a fight with her boyfriend. 

"Why won't you answer me ? Are you a coward then ?"

William averted his gaze towards the floor, his hands clenching once again, trying to calm his breathing that was quickly escalating. Albert's words stung more than he had expected. Oh yes, he certainly was a coward, but he had his reasons and in the end, it would be for the better. Perhaps. 

"What ? So you've lost your tongue ? I don't understand you..." He let out a frustrated sigh. "You act like her friend one minute and the next you act like a... _Schwein_ !" 

This made the older boy react.

"I will not stand there while you insult me !" His eyes were darker, his tone raised and he was looking at him directly in the eyes, even towering over him.

"But right now that's what you are. You don't even deserve her. You hurt her and she was still defending you against me. But you ? It seems you do not care about her !"

"I know I'm not worthy of her but I love her !" He had yelled. He had stopped himself and frozen when he realised what he had just said. Albert looked at him, silent, stunned, but only half-surprised. William's hands were shaking slightly. He had raised his voice too much and he had said too much today. Albert said nothing and left, an even darker expression on his face. William stood there with wide eyes. He was screwed. He secretly hoped the German boy would not mouth a single word.

**oOo**

The day was almost over, the sunset casting a warm shadow over his face. He sat on the grass, elbows resting on his knees while one of his hands was clutching the wrist of the other. He remained silent, his eyes far away from where he actually was, back to a time when life had not hit him. Back to a time when he had projects, even if they were not to the taste of his parents, projects for the future, projects with Caroline. Without warning, he felt his eyes sting, the tear blinding his vision; he opposed them little resistance and let them fall freely. He had contained himself all week, he had tried to prepare himself but nothing helped. The ache was still over present, grief and guilt consumed him until he had nothing left, only puffy red eyes to look at the cold stone in front of him that was pointing at the sky. He was not one to talk, but in his head, all kind of words and messages were forming, addressed to one person and only :

_**George Augustus Lamb  
17th December 2015 – 20th December 2015** _

He brushed his fingers against the carved letters, a single tear rolling down his cheek. After a couple more minutes, he left, his hands hidden in his pockets, his neutral mask once again on. He did not want to go back home just yet. Emma's parents were out all night, he did not want to come back to an empty house. He wandered in the cold streets, without any coat or scarf on. He didn't know how long he had been walking haggardly but night had fallen and he suddenly felt his phone buzz in his pocket. It was from Emma :

_\- Come asap please. It's Victoria._

**oOo**

Victoria's house was located in a rich neighbourhood of London, it was grand and ancient, reflecting the legacy of her family, one very attached to Victoria's mother. When her daughter was proud of her name but nothing more, the mother expected people to pay her respect only because of her name : that was something William resented, something he had come to hate about his parents. William had never entered her home. He had always stopped before the iron cast gate. Without the light of day, it almost looked frightening. He texted Emma he had arrived and she came to let him in. He was keeping his breath, waiting impatiently for the girl he came to care as a sister to tell him what happened.

"I know what day it is..." She began, her eyes cast to the grass. "I wouldn't have called you if it wasn't urgent." They continued to walk until they reached the front steps and the two white columns before the door. "It's Albert. Everything was fine, they were talking in a corner until I saw them become agitated. Next thing I know, Albert is storming out and Victoria is in tears. I tried to comfort her, we all did with the girls, but you are the only one capable of bringing a smile on her face." 

William did not know what he felt. He was both fuming against Albert but he was afraid he had revealed his confession to Victoria. He did not know what was best. He took a deep breath and turned the handle but before he could do so, Emma rubbed his arm "Everything will be fine." She knew. Of course she did. She had teased him ever since he saw his eyes light up whenever he saw her. She smiled knowingly whenever she heard his voice shouting encouraging words to her while they were playing. She had a fond expression whenever she saw the two of them together. She had said nothing but the day he had rejected Victoria she had dragged him to the cinema. The day the small brunette had first gone out with Albert, she had bought ice-cream and they both watched musical films all night long. 

He put his hand on the doorknob but stopped himself. He looked towards Emma and was about to speak when she cut him.

"They're not here. Away for the week end, they always come first. Lehzen's here." 

Lehzen had been Victoria's governess ever since she had been born. As years passed and Victoria needed her less and less, they had kept her to manage the house and keep an eye on Victoria whenever they attended parties or decided to take some time for themselves. William had seen her once or twice, and she seemed to stare at him, trying to seize him up or to scare him away, he could not tell.

He took a deep breath and entered, followed closely by Emma. Inside, he found the girls of the team, still having fun thanks to Harriet who was managing them. She and Emma were the closest friends Victoria had made in the team. She gave him a relieved smile when she spotted him. 

Emma led him up the stairs where Lehzen already was, a tray with some hot chocolate and Victoria's favourite biscuits. 

"Victoria ? Please let me enter, you mustn't stay alone in your room." She asked, knocking on the door, probably for the hundredth time since the young girl had locked herself in her chamber. 

She turned when William arrived behind her. She had this strange expression on her face again. It was as if she was jealous. He stopped, his eyes asking for approbation before she nodded, her eyes filled with contempt. 

He approached the door and rested his head against it softly, trying to gauge the situation. He could hear muffled sound, but he could not make out if they were just sniffs or sobs. He preferred none. Softly, he brushed his knuckles against the wooden door. 

"Victoria ?" He called, his voice low, betraying his emotions, his longing to comfort her.

The muffled sounds stopped on the other side. William waited patiently, hoping she would let him in for her sake but for his as well. Seconds seemed to wear on, to last hours. And then, finally, the click of the lock was heard and she opened the door ajar. Lehzen put the tray in his hands and he entered, closing the door behind him. When he turned, Victoria had already sat herself where she had been before letting him in, he supposed. Her hair had been put into a bun, but now, loose strands were falling round her face. Her eyes were red and her irises shone under the bright light of the room : William wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and comfort her. He remained silent, however, remembering they had not parted on the best of terms the last time they saw each other. 

He sat down next to her, mimicking her position with his back resting against the footboard of the bed. He put the tray in front of them. They stayed motionless except for their gaze that kept going everywhere but to the other.

"I'm sorry." They said in unison, looking at each other. They chuckled, some of their nervousness fading away by the occurrence. 

"I'm sorry for my behaviour. I've been acting like a jerk lately." William repeated.

"I wasn't really better myself. I'm sorry too." Victoria replied. 

She scooted closer to him. Reflecting on their late interactions, she realized how selfish she sounded to her own ears, being every inch the little demanding princess her mother had hoped to raise. She did not want to let it all go that easily however, but there was no doubt that she needed him, needed to feel his presence, to know he was here and did not hate her. As if sensing her feelings, he tentatively reached between the small space between them to envelop her tiny hand in his. He did not say anything, he never did when she was distressed and needed comfort. He knew she would talk when she wanted and needed to and this was one of the reasons why she loved him. He was the only one who understood. After a moment, seeing as she had not pulled away, he grasped her hand more tightly. The gesture encouraged her and, bowing her head, she explained :

"Albert and I broke up." William was not surprised but did not say a thing or show any sign of it. "Everything was going well, the party I mean. I was just-" She paused, hesitant, before she went on. "I was just sad you were not here. I was truly miserable to be quite honest with you." 

It made him chuckle as he whispered "Me too."

"Albert first tried to know what was going on but when I told him his whole face darkened. I had never seen him like this. I didn't really know how it happened but he began insulting you and I almost slapped his face. I couldn't believe what he was saying and I couldn't let him do so without defending you. We argued and things escalated quickly and he..." Another pause, one that William almost dreaded, fearing what the boy might have said. "He said he never had a chance and that I did not truly liked him and that there was only for me. He spat those words. He was so rude and mean. I realized we were not suited for each other and we could never get along. I think I’ve known it for a while now but I had never acknowledged it before. I decided to break up and he looked almost glad. It hurt, William, it really hurt." 

A few tears were escaping her eyes again and he did not hesitate this time : he put his arm around her shoulders and brought her to him, soothing her.

"I am so, so sorry Victoria. It's all my fault." He whispered in her hair.

"No it's not, don't you dare put the blame on yourself." She looked up to him fierce determination in her eyes.

He did not answer, he did not want to argue with her. She put her head back on his shoulder, almost in the crook of his neck. They stayed silent for a while, until Victoria silently asked what had burned her mind since her fight with Albert :

"Albert did say something. Something else. Something I'm wondering about ever since then." He stiffened. Her voice was so low he could have pretended not to have heard her. But denying things now was the perfect way to deny them forever. Of course Albert had said it all. "Is it true, Will ?"

He looked down, gulping. Could he say it ? Could he master the courage to finally say those words that had burnt his heart and his tongue for so long ? If he did not say, he felt he never would and there was point in denying it all. He took a deep breath.

"Yes." He breathed out. "It's true I love you." Here. He had finally told her. He felt his shoulders growing lighter even though his reason was screaming at him this was a bad idea.  
Victoria remained motionless, her eyes wide for a split second, her heart quickening. She scooted closer to him and hugged him properly, almost jumping in his lap, burying her head under his chin. She breathed, the scent ever so... him, making sure he was here and that everything was here. She had longed to hear those words from him.  
William almost started by her sudden touch, but he wrapped his arms around her, letting them both have this moment before he would tell her. He had to. Then, she would choose what she wanted to do but he had to tell her. He felt her head move towards his and he could feel her quickening breath mere inches from his lips. He pulled back :

"Wait, not now I..."

He looked at her confused expression and explained : 

"Victoria, there's nothing more I'd like than to be with you, know this. But before we rush into things, I want you to tell you something and then you'll make your choice."  
She took her place back next to him. He gave her the mug Lehzen had prepared. The girl took a sip, sensing this was important. And it was.

He told her everything. How he and Caroline had hit it off quickly, how they dated for almost a year until that fateful night when they had been careless, how Caroline told him a few weeks later that she was pregnant. He had never thought of being a parent, he was too young, but this had been his mistake and he would not abandon Caroline and any child of his. They had kept it a secret for as long as they could until they told their parents. They had wanted an abortion but Caroline had had none of it. Even though she had her tempers, blaming William for everything, she would not kill her child. William's and Caroline's parents had been outraged and made everything they could to tone it down, to avoid the scandal : they were of good aristocratically families, teenage pregnancy would not in this world. William took his responsibilities and took a part time job in a florist shop to provide for Caroline's and their child's needs, as the parents had clearly stated they would not help, not ever. When Caroline started to show, she stopped attending class and was said to be terribly ill and unable to attend school for a while. And then, one night, as he was cleaning the shop, he received a call : Caroline, her contractions were being stronger and stronger and she was panicked, her mother was taking her to the hospital. William left immediately and jumped in the first taxi he could find. When he arrived, he was told her water had broken and labour was beginning. This was too soon, this was not supposed to happen. He was brought the room and held Caroline's hand, trying to sooth her cries, to reassure her when he himself was as afraid as she was. She gave birth to their son, named after both their fathers. He was alive but barely and doctors rushed around him. He cried and William swear he was on the verge of tears. But this was not over, their son was fragile, he was two month early and he was taken to be given all proper care he needed. Doctors were not very optimistic but William had dared hope. He should not have. Three days later, Augustus died, his body was not strong enough. William had crumbled down, held his lifeless son in his arms for hours on end. Caroline had cried too, screamed when the reality really sank in. William fell into depression afterwards. He did not want to do anything, he stayed with Caroline trying to bring her comfort but the both of them were far too deep in their own grieving that eventually, if Caroline slept with other boys at school, William did not care. Caroline left him, wanting to forget everything : this was her way to move on and get better. He lost tracks in his studies and failed miserably while everyone else succeeded. This was the final blow for his parents who threw him out. He slept in a youth hostel for a week with the money he had saved for his son. That's when Emma found out and after a serious talk with the Portmans, William was offered a place to stay in their spare bedroom. In exchange, he helped as much as he could and tended to the garden. At the time, he had thought he was surviving more than he was living. That was until he met Victoria and how, slowly, she showed him what it was like to be alive. He told her that all he had said was the reason why he had rejected her. He had been afraid to soil her and he was still afraid, truth be told.  
He told her everything but left unspoken all he wanted to say to her. His voice was hoarse and thick with emotion, his eyes red. But the way Victoria held onto him, he knew she understood. There would be plenty of time to tell her all these words later, if she ever wished to pursue their relationship in that way. 

"Oh William." She breathed and took him into her arms, the mug discarded next to her.

She wept for him and she rocked him. He held onto her and cried silently. It was strange, to have their role reversed, to be in her arms instead of her in his. He was not used to it and yet he felt he had belonged here forever. She was so small and looked so fragile yet, she was a steady anchor for him and his head fitted naturally on her shoulder, buried in the crook of her neck. She caressed his hair, almost massaged his head and he swore this was the most beautiful and relaxing thing he had ever felt in his life. Their breathing came back to normal and they were as peaceful as ever. 

"Your hair smell nice." She said absent-mindedly, breathing in the flowery scent of his shampoo.

"Oh thank god. What a shame it would have been to present myself before you without my hair smelling nice." 

They both chuckled, a feeling so freeing after this tiring night that it quickly transformed into a good-hearted laugh. On the other side of the door, Emma and Lehzen let out a sigh of relief and smiled fondly at the sound.

 

They went back downstairs later on : Victoria did not want to disappoint her guests. The party resumed and William, usually not fond of dancing and parties, spent the rest of the evening glued to Victoria. The young girl herself was not keen on departing herself from her best friend and now... Boyfriend ? Maybe this was too soon to think about it and if she was honest, naming it was not really important. What really mattered was that they were together after all this time and various obstacles. What really mattered was his hands enveloping her small ones, what really mattered was their bodies against one another, dancing to the rhythm of the music and sometimes their own. What really mattered was his lips touching hers, chaste and soft, pouring all the love they were both feeling. The shouts of congratulations erupting from her friends was lost on them, the fond expression of Lehzen was lost on them. What mattered were their smiles, the promise of something new. What mattered were them. William and Victoria.


End file.
